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Only 1000 Calories per Serving!
By:  Colin Abbott   (2009/11/22)

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As any full-time athlete knows, time spent training is proportional to time spent eating. If all we were to eat was celery, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes and other calorie deficient foods, we would never stop eating. Here at the Chateau Claymor, Leejohn Hawkings, Kyle Power, Matthias Purdon and myself have come up with various solutions to the problem of ingesting the most calories in the shortest period of time. To get the most bang for our buck, our diet focuses heavily on carbohydrates, fat, sugar and protein. To get an idea of what I'm talking about, here are some pictures of recent meals.


Perfect post-time trial meal. The stack of crepes on the plate is approximately 50 thick. We ate them all in one sitting.


5 cups of flour, 8 eggs, a litre and a half of milk, half a cup of oil and a cup of sugar is all it takes to make a stack of crepes this big.


Apparently the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The day this particular meal materialized, Kyle had set out to make pancakes. He'd gotten all the dry ingredients together, but realized too late that we were out of both milk and eggs. We were hungry enough at the time that making bannock seemed like a good idea. Oil and water substituted for milk to moisten the batter, and the blob of sticky dough that resulted got fried in a half-inch of oil. Unfortunately there was too much dough for the bannock to cook through before burning so we scrambled it until golden brown and ate it. It was actually palatable when doused in sugar, cinnamon and lemon juice (think of a really chewy, dry, excessively large beaver tail). At least a thousand calories on that plate alone.


This one was a winner! fried beef, bean and noodle hash.


Moose sausage pasta! Big thanks to Kyle's parents for shipping us wild meat from Labrador.


The beginnings of one beastly sandwich...bagel, cheese, egg, bacon, tomato, onion, pepper, pickle and mustard.


mmmmm.


Almost ready to eat!


The Manwich is born! if you have never had the pleasure of eating such a manly sandwich, put it on your to-do list. A general rule of thumb to whether or not a sandwich qualifies as a manwich: if 90% of the ingredients haven't been fried before ingestion, it's not a manwich.

Hopefully this inspires you to get into the kitchen and create some of your own artery-clogging creations!
 
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